The last day of my job..

What a day this has been.
Today was my last day at Discover. I worked there for over a year and this is the second time I have done that.
Phewwwwwwwww!
I have worked with many great people, yet I will not miss the oubbound telemarketing at all. I'm excited to see what life brings, I already feel like opportunities are beginning to reach out to me.

What I noticed while I worked at Discover I always just barely made it by. Putting in more hours was always an option but it felt so difficult to work the minimum hours that I was there. Plus when two months went by where I didn't hit incentive. Woah... as if the money wasn't tight enough.

As I'm sitting here at my desk I'm remembering, I worked here for over a year. Though a year in someways is only a small amount of time, in others when one things about it, it is a very large time. So much happens in a year. Day by day, day in day out, there are 365 days to a year and so many of them are filled. I remember my training days where Saturdays were new to work, as I look back I remember my first Saturday worked. I remember all of us coming in none of which I recall being particularly excited, but we made it through a Saturday. As I think back that far I remember the people of my training whom now there are only a handful left, now I have left the ranks.

Hmm what to write. It's been tough. I remember this feeling the first time I worked here, Each day going in thinking, ARRRRRRr only seven hours to go. And three days to the weekend, and who knows how long until I'm done working here. Almost everyday I thought that feeling. And almost everyday I thought that feeling this time around. At no fault of the others in the center or with my leaders. I liked my team leader before and my team leader this time around has been awesome, yet for me it was a challenging job and perhaps I was trying to fit into something that I didn't really fit into.

All of this being said

I'm looking at my life in the now. There are all kinds of opportunities out there and they are waiting for each of us to reach out and take them. Many of them come easy into our lives if we but just move out of our lives the things which are not working. I am now in a position to experience something different. Something that I find meaningful and that brings me joy. And I'm excited I can't wait!

Hmmmm as I'm writing all of my thoughts down today I reflect on both of my Discover experiences. They were almost two different worlds. One passed into a memory and then I came again and created new memories. It was an odd feeling throughout my experience this time with Discover. Some where creating memories for the very first time. Yet I had memories of the place from years ago. And how things had changed. A reminder to me, frequently of a much different time that had passed away. In someways I'm reminded why I've never wanted to go back, it seems to go back one is contantly haunted by the way things used to be. By old memories, by old times, by those who have come and gone. In someways it felt like I went back to Discover to get back on track again. The ride has been rough and started quite some time ago, and now finally isn't it about time to get started... again! :)

Hate and anger, of the dark side they are.

Ok so another day has come and gone... and it feels like my little family is not well.
Hmmm but what do I place in my blog. It feels as if my life has become so difficult that I live in a shell. It's been that way for quite a while now. Home feels like a very caustic place and unfortunately has felt that way for a long time now as well. I've noted even in my hard writings that when times get tough, I move very easily to being very vague. I see the same here in my blog today. Even as I write these thoughts I find myself watching them very closely.

Perish the thought !

someone would see me with it all not together.

HA!

That really does make me laugh as I come into work almost every day late, looking like a zombie, with about as much enthusiasm as a rock on it's way to the cement factory. Yesssssss that looks like I have it way together. Thankfully I read my brothers last post and it got me thinking about being honest again. And showing up honestly. Hmmmm instead of reaching out to those who could be of support I notice I tend to shell up, keeping everything inside, committed to handle it all by myself. I've done this for quite some time now, a defense mechanism that undoubtedly I picked up from somewhere.
Well the good news is my camera that I bought off of ebay came today, for which I am grateful. But alas home life seems to be such a war zone that I haven't been able to really feel like I can enjoy it. Plus it seems there are challenges up ahead, there are always challenges up ahead and things always seems to work out. But it seems like I keep getting the message that it's going to get harder if we don't get the lesson this time... and then we don't and so life gets a little harder and so on. I pray that we get the lesson soon that the lessons don't have to come as hard.

Anyway, my eyes are heavy and sleep lingers

the blog...IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Lovely just lovely, I'd like to thank my family for inspiring me to get started on my blog again!
I started it forever ago and never did much with it. I've been reading my Dad's and Brothers blogs and finding that there is value there.

***It's as if I felt something awaken in me as I remembered a time where I was focused on making the world a better place***.

Where I was about making a difference. While I still feel like I'm about that it feels like that has sunk to a deeper level.
I find that with the stresses of my life and working all the time, paying down my debt and dealing with and learning all the new things that come with being in a family... my family. I note that it's really quite different being the Dad instead of the older brother. I love it but it's definitly more involved... hmmmm no I wouldn't say more involved just different.

< Odd I notice that as I place my thoughts upon the page I get the same kind of feeling that I get when I write in my books. My mind begins to drift into many of the thoughts that I have going through my head

*** It feels like they all get stuck sometimes and if I don't take the time to write them and to look at them remember them and create with them it's as if they begin to knock at the door of my life. ***

That life becomes more and more difficult when I avoid or ignore them, yet when I get in tune then I have always been rewarded. It's often made me feel crazy why I would avoid doing something that creates value in my life yet I'm seeing that throughout my life that has been something that I have struggled with. Ah well one lives one learns!>

I'm noticing that yesterday I was playing with some ideas of creating order within my blog and it seems that my thought mysteriously disappeared. Only the bold summary remained, hmmmm does blogger employ a host of hidden editors, "Bob? I think this article is too lengthy, what say we cut it down a bit?" Probably more within reason I simply am learning how the system works and inadvertently deleted it.

***

Any how.

I notice that as I write ideas start coming out of nowhere and I like to take some time out to write them down. I notice though that they tend to be in the

middle

of a current thought. In my hard writings (on paper), I make or { } or [ ], (what they look like doesn't matter to be so long as they are distiguishable) around the sub thoughts to distinguish them. I'm looking at how I can do that with my blog. I'm seeing that I have the wide world of color. Hmmm I can keep different topics in different colors, that way it's easy for my readers to follow all of the lines of thoughts that I'm working on.

Hmmmm more about this another time :)

If you the readers have any thoughs about a particular thought just address it in the same color that it's written in.

Any how the evening grows late.

I'm excited to explore this avenue